Where Do We Fit In?

We've been in Canada for about 5 months and the realities of living back in Canada are now settling in. I've found myself feeling confused and frustrated reacting to 'issues' I am now having to confront. Perhaps I'm a little more emotional due to hormones, being pregnant, but I don't think I'm reacting irrationally.

We are feeling pressure to find our next ministry assignment but it's not something we can just 'find' unfortunately. Our Philippines experience has changed us so much that it will affect what and how we do things from now. The problem is we haven't really "arrived", we're still a "work in progress" as we continue letting God break us apart and slowly rebuild us inside. I just wish He would speed up the rebuilding part a little and tell us clearly what we're supposed to do.

Our time with Craig at Servants To Asia's Urban Poor has been valuable. Living incarnationally among the poor is a calling, a gifting and we're still not sure whether we're called or gifted in this area. John and I, with Craig's counsel, have come to the realization that before we seriously start thinking about living incarnationally with the poor, we need to start engaging more with them in our daily lives, whether it be through volunteering or through a church or through an urban poor ministry. We can't just go from 0 to 10 just like that, it has been a gradual thing. So gradual that it's going to be a long awhile before John and I know whether Servants is the organization for us. We will continue dialoging with Craig but practically speaking, as far as our next assignment goes, we don't foresee us joining Servants To Asia's Urban Poor anytime soon.

I still feel we need to be somehow involved in doing some sort of urban poor ministry but to what degree I'm not sure.

We are letting the words from authors like N.T. Wright and Dallas Willard simmer and soak. We have increasingly grown frustrated with institutionalized Christianity where people go to church and engage in church related activities, live in Christian bubbles and seperate themselves from the rest of the world it seems; not showing sincere care for the environment, or that homeless man on the street corner who's always asking for change. Being a Christian is more than just evangelizing to people, it's also about experiencing life with our Christian and non-Christian neighbors, co-workers, friends, family members, and people we meet along the way, side-by-side with them. Just like Jesus did. Life is outside of that church building, outside of our little Christian realities. I don't want to live like a Pharisee, and I have, and I still am in so many areas of my life. This is where God is breaking and reforming me.

Maybe you have no idea what I'm talking about and maybe you do. I apologize if I sound a little crass, I'm reacting, and I'm trying to let God bring me back to a 'healthy place'. John and I are living with this tension of having to fit in a life we once fit in but don't anymore. Now, we are struggling with having to find our place that's us again.