Most of us would like the Bible to give us “7 Habits of Highly Effective People”, a daily pep talk, an ‘app’ of “how to’s” (how to be successful, how to build better relationships or how to live a more fulfilling life) but instead, it gives us stories of people who, at various times in their lives were anything but effective. The Bible reads more like a book entitled “Three Steps Forward and Two Steps Back.” It is replete with stories about people getting the point than missing the point; about God entering their lives and then them fighting Him, avoiding Him and running from Him.I was reminded of this struggle on a recent trip I took to Regina, Saskatchewan in April, where I had the unique opportunity of shadowing CCX missionary Changsub Kim for a weekend, taking pictures and interviewing some of his friends. Changsub and his wife (Jina) and two sons (Jaejoon and Jaewon) moved from Seoul, Korea to Regina about two and half years ago. Over the course of these past two years, God has opened up a most unusual working partnership between Changsub and a gentleman named TJ.
TJ’s Story…
TJ came to Canada from Korea when he was 15 years old. When he first arrived he was lost, couldn’t speak the language, and didn’t fit in. But he had one thing going for him. He was an expert in Taekwondo. And his fighting ability quickly gave him access to an Asian gang. In time, he quickly moved up the ranks, and at one point, became a gang kingpin. He sold cars “on the side” for a local GM dealership and became the #1 GM dealer in Canada at one point. He got caught up in drug trafficking and eventually spent 8 years in a maximum security penitentiary.
Changsub first met TJ after buying a car from him. Their common Korean roots gave them an affinity for each other’s struggles in a new country. After TJ got out of jail, he asked Changsub what it would be like if God showed up in his life, to which Changsub replied, “You’ll definitely know when he does.” That night TJ went home and after falling asleep had a dream of a huge mountain with somebody’s hands chiseling out all his sins into the mountain. TJ said that he started to sob and filled three garbage bags full of Kleenex. That night, TJ admitted, he “found Jesus Christ and accepted him as the real king of his life.” He stopped using drugs, and went clean after 30 years of use.
Other gang members responded by saying: “There’s no way TJ could be clean,” much less be a follower of Jesus. Intrigued and puzzled, many of them became interested in how TJ’s life had dramatically changed. They wanted to know how, like TJ, their lives could be changed. To which Changsub promptly replied, “Come out to my Bible Study.”
At one point there were 60 people attending “Pastor Kim’s Bible Study” at the Regina Korean Alliance Church (many coming and going) with an average attendance of 15-20, mostly gang members.
TJ is a magnet. The younger gang members want to be around him because as a former prominent gang leader, they were not privileged to hang with him. Now they are able to hang with him in a Bible Study at a Korean church. TJ is a kind of father-figure and has taken many of these former gang members under his wings – most of whom come from broken homes and are struggling to deal with addictions and fighting to put their lives back together again. He uses his home as a kind of “group home” where he sponsors these guys until they get clean.
TJ’s story is very moving, yet there are many aspects that are less than inspiring. His past life still haunts him. He still drives his signature yellow Hummer (probably the only one like it in Regina). Pretty much everybody in the city knows him (policemen, lawyers, doctors, dealers, etc.). He is separated from his wife and has four children. According to Changsub, TJ has surrendered much of his life to Jesus, but he still
struggles to surrender other areas.
TJ’s spiritual growth is not a straight line. It’s not neatly packaged. It is constantly about three steps forward and two steps back. Sometimes two steps forward and three steps back. Progress in Changsub and Jina’s ministry is never a straight upward climb. The success-stories are few and far between. Most of the time the stories are of struggle, highlighted sporadically with glimpses of grace. Changsub told me that the emotional anguish of watching the people he is pouring his life into make promises and then fall back into their old lifestyles is very draining and often takes a huge toll on him and his wife.
We Are All the Same…
The easy way of absorbing stories like this is to say, “How sad. How sordid. Gee, I am glad that’s not my story.” But as I came away I realized there was a lot of “TJ” in me…my pride, my desire to hold on to power, the struggle to surrender, to change.
I will not forget something Changsub’s wife Jina said over dinner. She said: “Although I cannot identify with their tragic stories, I recognize that we are all the same. The only difference is that we have different addictions (theirs is cocaine, mine is coffee) and they came to Jesus much later in life than I did. Other than that, we are really the same. We are both human.”
“We are really the same.” But the problem is that we refuse to admit our weakness, our needs, our poverty. Like TJ, our spiritual journeys are never a straight line. In fact, they can be and are downright messy. Our spiritual journeys are for the most part crooked, not straight. Messy, not neat a tidy. Off-course, not always headed in the right direction.
I came away from this trip learning so much from a group of former gangsters and Changsub and Jina Kim who have given up so much to build relationships of trust with them. It made me anticipate the wonder of God somehow taking the crooked, the messy, the wounded, all the broken, twisted and incomplete stuff in our lives and using it all to repair and transform our lives.
He will transform.
This is our ultimate hope.
This is the ultimate wonder.
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