I'm not going to lie or pretend to be "good missionary", I'm a little mad at God right now. I feel like we are doing everything we can to get on our feet and any which way we go, something always manages to knock us down.
"Trust me." God says. "Give me your burdens." He says. I feel like we've been trying. We've been trying to trust Him with our ministry placement, our financial needs and our everyday lives but we're not just going to just sit around doing nothing. We're going to try knocking on doors to see whether they open.
Looking for a ministry placement has been frustrating. John applies for a pastoring position at a church and after a 6 month application process, at the last hour, the church board rejects him. I find a seemingly great ministry placement at Five Stones Church but I can't get a salary.
We haven't been able to raise enough financial support so John takes a leave of absence from SIM to take a job as a portrait photographer. After weeks of training, and one full week of work, he injures his back. He can barely walk and he's not even sure whether he's eligible for worker's compensation because he's only been with this company like a couple of weeks. Meanwhile, chiropractic bills are piling high, we're not sure when John's going to be able to go back to work or whether he's going to be asked to continue with this company. He's not even sure whether he can even do this job realistically. There's so much heavy lifting of equipment everyday, I don't know if this is the best long-term job for him.
We do need to think seriously about what to do about John's back. Perhaps back surgery is the next step. Would it help him in the long run? We don't know. He would need an MRI for a full medical assessment. It's a 2 + month wait for an MRI. Can he wait that long? Maybe we don't have a choice.
While John's resting, I am trying to my best to juggle taking care of the kids and keeping our home from falling apart and doing ministry at Five Stones Church. I've had to take the kids to work a few times this week but I know it hasn't been the most productive times for everyone during their visits. Bless my co-workers for being so understanding and showing so much love to my kids.
Oh and the cherry on top is finding out that we're not allowed to live in our apartment complex because we have too many people in our suite. According to the by-laws that we recently received from the building strata, for a two bedroom suite, there can be no more than 4 people living in it. Obviously we didn't know this. I don't think we'll necessarily be evicted but it is time to start looking around for another place. Of course the question is how the heck are we supposed to look for a place to live when I don't receive a full salary and we're not even sure whether John has a job.
Honestly, am I being a total wimp? I know many people are going through way worse things than us. And yes, I know we have a lot to be thankful for but come on. Is it too much to ask for a little break here?!
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